belonging

I have been reminded a lot recently by Holy Spirit that I belong to God. He is daily repeatedly whispering to me you belong to me. It happens at the most strange moments; wiping a table at the restaurant, as I make a cup of tea.... its lovely. I like it. I want to hear this all the time. I belong to GOD! God almighty is in charge of me, has got my back; the buck stops with him not me. It makes me just say phew! It brings such profound strength and freedom.

What does it mean to belong? Definitions are quite straight forward...one is "to be bound to by ties of affection or dependence". I am tangled up and tied up with God, I am bound to him; I can't get away from him; he has got me; I am totally dependent on him, addicted to him, he has my affections completely and utterly. I am literally lost without him.

To belong is to be bound to him. To be bound means to be confined, to be limited, to have boundaries in place, to be legally obligated, to be married. How amazing to be limited to God because if I am limited to God nothing else can have any place in me. I cannot belong and be limited to God and have anything else limiting me. If I belong to him I cannot belong to any other - its one or the other, and I choose to belong to him. He loves it!

For surely O Lord you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favour as a shield. psalm 5:12.

decisions decisions and meetings with vicars

So yesterday I finally made the decision to train two days a week [part time] at St John's Nottingham. Feels good to have made a decision after having been in the process for three years now! This is a step of faith for me as I will receive no financial support for this.

It's really exciting to me the stirrings in the church of england even in the most obscure of places. The vicar who I met to discuss my training had done a study in Doncaster of all places and found that nearly everyone believes in God and yet next to noone goes to church. I am challenged daily to respond to this. How can this be? There is a whole and vast two generations of totally unchurched people in this nation. The fruit of this that I see all around me frightens me intensely every now and then and today has been one of those days. Thankfully God always whispers the same verses to me every time I have one of these days...be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted in the nations. Psalm 46.

over a year...

Ok so it has been well over a year since I blogged and it is painfully ironic that my last post was on frustration. I am frustrated with myself for not following through on writing as it's such a great outlet for my own thoughts even if only a few read it! It was quite interesting reading my own blog back to myself after a year. In some ways I was discouraged at how I still feel very similar in terms of frustration; but let's call it perseverance.

God really is calling people to go further in terms of their sacrifice of going along with the status quo. Laying down career, status and wealth is still a battle that I face daily and yet I am beginning to really ask myself why? I often can feel ashamed that I have not the flashy career, house, cash flow. I internally feel low at my status as a humble waitress surrounded by 21 year olds. My pride is bruised when I explain the randomness of the ministry that I am a part of when people don't quite get it. However all of this is so utterly utterly wrong.

Even the phrase "laying down career, status and wealth" is totally flawed. These are gods of this age. Idols in my mind. False bases for life. Temporary aneasthetics. I am not in fact laying down anything at all. I'm really not. It's only a sacrifice if these things mean more to me than the King and his kingdom. My true career is to be a messenger. My status' [stati?] are multiple superior realities that I needn't extrapolate here. My wealth is infinite in this age and in the age to come.

Anything that seems like a sacrifice seems to really be an area where I have backward priorities. Does this mean that a sense of sacrifice highlights a flawed view of something...? because God in his goodness would never ask us to do something that is inherently "mean". It may only seem mean because of our wrong view of what is truly good. To be happy and content is to be in alignment with heaven in spirit and soul. It is to be whole. It is to be totally assured and certain. If it feels like a sacrifice I need a revelation of how unfathomably trustworthy He is. He is a good Dad and leader of my life par excellence.